As my son approached his teen years, our after-school conversation went like this
me: Hi B, How was your day?
son: Good
what did you learn today:
son: I don’t know (more focused on his phone)
Gone were the days where he would get in the car and talk nonstop excitedly about his day. Telling me what he learned, who he talked to, what he did on the playground.
Now it’s a one-word answer: good, fine, boring
How to get teens to talk about their school day
I’ve learned I need to make my questions more specific if I’m going to get more than a one-word answer
- What is one new thing you learned today?
- What was your favorite class today?
- What’s the latest gossip at school?
- Which girl do you have a crush on? (the initial response is usually something like “oh mom” but then he usually gives me more details).
- What was the most interesting topic you studied at school today?
- What is something that made you laugh today?
- What’s the latest fashion trend?
- Which girl do you have a crush on? (the initial response is usually something like “oh mom” but then he usually gives me more details).
- What’s the latest drama among the girls?
- Who are your best friends at school right now?
- Who did you sit with at lunch today?
Questions about the latest gossip or drama help me to learn about what’s going on at school from his eyes. It also encourages him to be more open about talking about things that come up when he needs advice since we’ve already been chatting about the middle school dynamics.
Encouraging conversation with your teens is so important
My son is 12 and this is such a critical age to establish great communication with your kid. I want my son to be comfortable talking to me about anything, asking me about things he doesn’t understand, for advice, and what’s he’s thinking. In our time together, I’m always looking for new ways to encourage conversation.